I Need Your Opinion

Okay so the object of this assignment was to create a story and write the smae story from three different people's view point. These people are not to know each other. I wrote three different stories but I realized the first one didn't fit the criteria so here are the other two. Please tell me which one is better and I should hand in.

One Stormy Night

Jerrica Black

October 2010

Calm down Kaitlyn. This is a safe place; nobody can hurt you here. They won’t let it happen.

            Why does there have to be so many people? Stop staring at me, didn’t you get a good enough look the last time you saw me? Eww! Oh my god. Why is he smiling at me? He’s so gross. Greasy, wild hair. Intense, dark eyes. Don’t cry Kaitlyn. Don’t cry. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry. Who is that? He’s got a brother? No. It can’t be. There’s still one walking around free despite the outcome. Kaitlyn, you’re safe here. They can’t hurt you.

             It all comes flooding back any way. “No! Stop! You’re hurting me!” His big hands are all over my body. It’s cold lying on the concrete floor. It’s storming outside. Nobody can hear my screams.

            I’m safe here. I’m safe here. I’m safe…

***

            Mmmmm, there she is. Her long, blond hair as gorgeous as ever. I wonder if it still smells like strawberries? I wonder if she’s wearing the same perfume? Vanilla and flowers. I can smell it now. If only I could get just a little closer. I wish I could run my hands through her hair again. Then down her neck. Then…

            Alex! Snap out of it! You’re in a courtroom on trial! Pure mind. I can’t think about these things right now. Clear it out. I can’t risk a slip up; not today.

            But she’s just so beautiful.

***

            You disgusting, perverted bastard. How could anyone do such a thing? Look at him. He’s still running it through his mind. You can see it in those shifty eyes. He’s so disgusting!

            The poor thing. She’s got so much time left in life. It’ll never be the same for her. She’ll never look at a man the same way again. Maybe she’ll never trust anyone again.

            Guilty. No doubts about it.

OR

Sometimes Life’s Too Hard

Jerrica Black

October 2010

This is the second jumper this week! What is wrong with this city? Not to mention that guy who hung himself from the tree in the park.

            No way? She’s pregnant too! This is just great. Now I have to try to talk her down. Two lives are on the line!

*          *            *

            I’m going to do it. I’m jumping. There is no way I’m dealing with this pain anymore. Nobody loves me. I’m a burden to this world. I’ve been locked inside this body for too long even though I don’t deserve it by any means.

            There is too much pain. My mom never cared; she was always too drunk. My dad left before I was born into this miserable life. And I was raped. Now my boyfriend wants nothing to do with me. It’s not like I asked for that man to impregnate me. I don’t deserve to live and neither does my unborn child, goodbye.

*          *            *

            Oh my god. Is that a girl up there? Why is she up there? She’s so young, where the hell are her parents? They must be so worried. She’s got so much ahead of her, why would she do this?

            Oh. She’s pregnant. She’s so close to brining a child into this world. Why doesn’t she want to witness that kind of miracle, she’s come so far.

            This girl is so stupid; she plans to kill herself and the baby? I don’t think she’s going to do it. This is just a scream for attention.

            Oh…

My…

God…

I can’t believe it.

What just hit my hand? Is that-? No. Blood?

            She’s dead.

Second Helpings

So as far as I know ABSOLUTELY NOBODY got my first flashback story so...

I wrote a second one...

I kept the saem title though...lol

A New Beginning

Jerrica Black

October 2010

Two weeks ago I woke up in a hospital bed. It suck being bed ridden. I sat staring at the pristine white walls and soft green curtains.

            A young woman walked in wearing pink scrubs. It was refreshing to see that splash of real colour but then I saw what she had in front of her; a wheel chair.

            “Good morning John!” she said cheerfully. “Your brother is out in the lobby waiting to take you home.”

*          *            *

            The sound of guns is deafening, the smell of death inescapable. I am covered in dirt and grime and blood. Some is my own band some is that of my fallen and injured comrades. I can hear yelling in the distance but I can’t decipher what is being said. Maybe it isn’t even English. All I know is coming here was a huge mistake.

Suddenly I feel a shooting pain through my whole body, and then I heard why. Multiple gunshots ring out behind me. How could I have been so stupid? I left my back unguarded.

*          *            *

            “Hey bro!” How ya feelin’?” Matt said as the kindly nurse wheeled me out of the grossly clean room.

            “Like shit. What kind of dumb ass question is that?

            “Are you at least feeling better?”

            “No.”

            The trip home was spent in silence. I’m sure if I could feel my legs they would be killing me right now. The ride home was long and they’d for sure have pins and needles.  Why the hell do we live so far away? I can’t even help on the farm anymore.

            Hi dear! It’s so good to see you out of that dreadful hospital bed.” My mom ran over, bent down and gave me a hug. Really? My mother has to bend over to hug me and she can run? This is shit!

            “It’s good to be out,” I said as we embraced. “But I’m still trapped in this stupid chair.” I left the room and wheeled myself into my room. I went straight to the window and sat there staring out at the world. It will never be the same again.

Back to the Future

Here's the latest Writer's craft piece. There was one before this but I refuse to share it cause it's horrible. It was a collaborative piece and it turned out to be a very juvenile like story. Anyways... This piece is a look at using a flash back. The assignment is called Something Happened! The outline is to have something happen but not tell your reader what it is. There are three sections to your story; the first is the reality, the second is a flash back and the third brings you back to reality. Both reality portions are to be written in past tense and the flashback in present. This is what I came up with but so far everyone who has read it didn't understand. Guess it's not that great but I like and that's all that really matters.

A New Beginning

     It had looked like it had just snowed but really there were two inches of ash on the ground. It was cold. We had a fire burning in the corner to keep us warm but it wasn’t doing the greatest job. The town was in ruins for the most part, as was the rest of the world. Few plants were surviving and supplies were limited.

     As everyone poured into the old building the soft sound of crying grew. It was accompanied by a surprising sound of relief as people reconciled. They found friends that they thought they’d never see again. I myself was alone. I had moved away from my parents long ago and my boyfriend was gone.

*          *            *

     “Jazzy, I have a question for you” he says nervously.  I love the way he smiles like that. He looks up to the sky. It was sunny and clear today. A great day for a picnic, which is exactly what, we are doing. Today is our third year anniversary. He looked back into my eyes, “Jazzy, will you marry me?”

            My eyes well up with tears and I can’t help but shed a few. “Of cou-“ The sky suddenly turned dark; pitch black. The wind picked up.

*          *            *

            Why am I still here? Why didn’t Azrael take me too? Why did he leave any of us here? What makes us so important? Why did he get taken?

     As people came in I offered them the little food and water I could. Everyone was grateful to take the edge off of the intruding feeling of starvation. All that was left to do now was decide how to preserve the human race.